Tampasm
(courtesy of Eddy Lawrence,Select Magazine,March 1997,and great thanks to my friend Nessa who typed it!)

WHO ARE THEY?
Brighton all-dame teen metal conglomerate comprising Charlotte Evangeline Honey(vocals),Ollie Arnold(guitar),Jenny Bishop(bass) and Cat Black(drums).Formed and named at school and primed to be the noisenik Spice Girls
"we like what they're doing.We'd like to do what they did to the metal scene"says Jenny
"It would've been better if they weren't out of stage school"counters wee Charlotte
"Actually,only today,we were guessing which Spice we were.The posh one was none of us"
SO IT'S GIRL POWER A GO-GO THEN?
No,as it happens.
"we're not gonna go along with the 'girl power' thing and say,yeah, were doing it for the girls"scolds Charlotte,with a nasty look in her eyes"because we're doing it for our selves.We're a selfish band"
Nor do they have much time for their contemporaries.Cat is scathing on the subject:
"Women in rock always have to be crazed harpies,mad women who are just completely nutty,or they're sexy and lovely and non-controversial"
"...and who wants to be Alanis Morrisette?We just want some respect,which isn't a word you use when you're talking about female bands"finishes Charlotte
Ooh,get back in the knife drawer,Miss Sharp
STILL,THEY MUST BE POPULAR WITH THE OLD SCHOOL CHUMS?
Not especially.
"A lot of this band is revenge on people who wouldn't let us be in bands with them when we were at school because we were female,"snarls Olivia,like a she-wolf protecting her brood"It's great seeing all the tarts at school who used to slag us off,and now they're working in Tammy Girl part-time."
Rumours that school offers the 'best days of your life'as your mum told you are greatly exaggerated,it appears.
According to Charlotte,"if youre not fucked up at school you've got no ambition--and that's what brings Tampasm together"
OBVIOUSLY VERY ROCK'N'ROLL...
Oh Christ aye.You wouldn't believe some of the tales of hard living surrounding the band.Mind you,neither would they
"I'm dead,by the way"says Jen,suspiciously animated"I died of a heroin overdose 2 months ago"
Olivia:"And we've all had messy abortions with rusty coathangers,but we won't talk about that"
WHAT DO THEY REALLY WANT TO DO WHEN THEY GROW UP?
"We're very ambitious"states Jennifer
"We're not afraid of wanting success,that's why we wear dresses instead of dressing like blokes-because it's gonna get us photos"reveals Charlotte
"We really do want to dominate the world and there's no joke about that"laughs a Fuhrer-istic Jen,eyes blazing like some kind of crack-crazed Eva Braun.
"Tampasm for queen!"proclaims an equally megalo Olivia.
"We'll be happy when we've met Skid Row"syas the more realistic Cat.
SO ARE THEY DOWN WITH THE KIDS THEN?
"We're out to have fun"Charlotte blarneys"Y'know,we're four 18 year old girls,everyone else is out getting jobs,going to university,but we're doing THIS" Jennifer offers an unknockable mission statement:"We just want to have a laugh and make some FUCKING MONEY!"

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